Ok so I have learned when I was young, my dad abused me and well he did it for 3 years, now that could not be bad but even today his influence has grown, when I was 3 he squeezed me till I cried and he would knock me down, like elbow me and whenever something bad happened, I was put in the spotlight every time, didn't matter who it was always me, my sister is still the favorite to this day and when my dad left me and my sister only got worse from then on she would take my friends, she got my dads side and my step-moms side to hate me and they probably still do (reasonable after all I am a messed up person and a shitty and dumb one) she made me want to stab myself multiple times, I wished that I never woke up, I cried in a car about my putrid life and how everyone would be better without me (that and all the bullies who would disrespect me) I used to have blond hair but my dad cut it all off, honestly if I didn't move to where I am now. I think I actually might not be living. I hope that all of the other people who see this like Sybau69 never ever give up on this funny thing called life, I am gonna die either way so whatever but I want everyone to know you are good, you are great, you are your mountain, your friends push you up and up, I know cuz mine are pretty fucking sick, you can do better, pull through and remember. Don't give up.