I cant bring myself to be truly happy anymore. I just use distractions at this point, whenever I have nothing that's mentally stimulating enough, my mind wanders off to truly... how much I want to just end it all. and maybe, just maybe, I'll do it. to all the constant ppl in my life, I'm sorry. I'm serious.
if you want to know the reason why, then I guess I can tell you (if you've made it this far). my mind is wired a bit strange, and its a bit of a liability. I've made so many mistakes, have been useless in most situations, and people just see me as a child that needs to be guided... which they aren't wrong, I am. shit like that really fucks with your self-esteem. I didn't have to deal with anything bad happening to me, my mind just had to do the magic on its own. I'm barely anything. I don't want to live like a termite.

Im most likely going to be alive after this message. I'm sorry.